Think of the Children

Genre: Arcade / Party Game

Players: 1-4 Co-Op (Local)

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Review:

Think of the Children is an arcade-style party game where you play an adult looking after a group of kids on one of a series of outings to somewhere nice, like the park or the beach. The thing is, the world is a dangerous place, and these kids seem to be particularly suicidal. It’s up to you to set up your event or party as best you can while keeping an eye on the little tykes to stop them from offing themselves.

The game is fast-paced and frenzied, and you always seem to have five things screaming for your attention at any given time. Two kids are doing something dangerous, the BBQ is on fire, the tables haven’t been set yet… sometimes it can be hard to know which of these things to prioritize. When each level is complete, your score will be based on how much of the party setup you managed to accomplish, multiplied by the number of surviving kids – most of the time, that number will be far less than what you started with.

It’s a particularly nerve-wracking formula, and while it’s all presented tongue-in-cheek, it’s enough to make those hoping to one day be a parent reconsider their choices. The thing is, even with the jokey tone, it’s hard for me to feel that this game is especially fun. On some level, as annoying as it is to have to deal with the little brats constantly jumping in traffic or playing with rabid stray dogs, it still makes me feel on edge when another one of them kicks the bucket.

The game’s art style doesn’t really do much for me either – the game is done in that “voxel” style that seems to be trendy these days, and while that’s fine i guess, the game itself doesn’t really use it to establish its own style. The game’s “cover art” has more personality than the game’s own visual style. At the very least, the game’s story, where the levels are all “evidence” being used against an irresponsible parent in a courtroom trial, is quite amusing.

In the end, Think of the Children may be the sort of party game that amuses you, but for me it just set my nerves on edge and made me grateful I don’t have to worry about looking after my own suicidal child.

tl;dr – Think of the Children is an arcade/party game where you have to scramble to set up a fun outing while keeping a group of seemingly suicidal children from offing themselves. It’s frantic and nerve-wracking… but for me, it just left me with frayed nerves.

Grade: C-

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