Hoarding Simulator 2.0

Genre: Stealth

Players: 1

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Review:

Hoarding Simulator is a Stealth Game released on PC in 2019, with a “2.0” update released in 2021, with this version ported to Nintendo Switch in 2025. This game puts you in the role of an old man or old woman stealing whatever they can get their hands on and tossing it in their garage, all while trying to evade the wrath of their neighbors who, wouldn’t you know it, aren’t thrilled with all of their stuff being taken.

The core premise of this game is great, and suggests a fairly unique spin on the Stealth genre. Unfortunately… well, unfortunately, everything else happened.

Let’s start with the presentation. Hoarding Simulator isn’t just ugly, it’s an eyesore. The game’s simple 3D visuals look unpolished and unfinished, the camera is terrible and needs constant babysitting and likes getting trapped behind things, and the game’s day-night cycle puts hideous filters over everything, most notably a bright lime green filter every morning in-game. This is joined by quiet and indistinguishable mumbling for character voices, and music that is public domain slop I’ve heard in multiple other games.

As for the gameplay, where do I even begin? Everything in this game is janky and poorly put-together, to the point where you’ll sometimes struggle to do basic things like open doors. Your character’s basic movement is slow as molasses, and multiple actions drain a Zelda-style stamina bar that punishes you for finishing it by stopping things so your character can moan about their back.

The game has a goal system, but it’s not clear what you’re getting out of completing goals. There’s also an upgrade system, but upgrades generally seem to make a negligible difference. It’s like everything in this game was poorly slapped-together and then everything deliberately made to be a chore.

All that is to say, this is a terrible game built on a great idea. I would be curious to see a more talented developer take a crack at this game’s premise, but as it is, Hoarding Simulator is just torturous to play. Don’t subject yourself to this.

tl;dr – Hoarding Simulator is a Stealth Game where players take the role of a senior citizen trying to steal everything they can get and take it back to their garage without getting caught by their neighbors. It’s a great idea, but the execution here is absolutely terrible, with a game that feels extremely poorly put-toogether, and multiple design choices seemingly made to frustrate players. The only thing good about this game is its core concept – everything else is terrible.

Grade: D-

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