Schoolteacher Simulator

Genre: First-Person Simulation

Players: 1

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Review:

Schoolteacher Simulator, released in 2025 on PC and Nintendo Switch, is one of the biggest messes I have seen on Nintendo Switch in quite a long time. Yeah, I’m not going to beat around the bush here, this game is a disaster.

Where do I even begin here?

This game is controlled in first-person, but the controls are exactly the opposite of how virtually every first-person game plays, with movement on the right analog stick and aiming on the left analog stick. In addition, you have an always-on on-screen cursor that you move (slowly) using the D-Pad. These combine to make this an exercise in pure frustration just getting around in this game.

The graphics are absolutely terrible, using PlayStation 2-quality 3D character models and environments, some with textures that bleed into each other in ways that look bizarre and off-putting, and with some absolutely atrocious pop-in at all times and framerates that chug even though there’s no reason why anything here should be difficult for the Nintendo Switch to do.

Also, for some reason this game’s school is peopled by both teenagers and adult students, some freakishly tall, some dressed like they’re attending a Renaissance Faire, and others dressed like they’re wannabe superheroes. It’s clear that whoever created this thing just pulled premade assets from a variety of places without any care as to whether or not those assets made any sense in this game.

The only music here is diegetic, but it’s the most bizarre, unnatural diegetic music I’ve ever encountered, suddenly fading in when you enter an area and blaring loudly, even if you couldn’t hear it at all a few feet away. The sound design is similarly broken – in one place, I can hear a student swearing at a vending machine, but no such student is in sight. The reason, I came to discover, is because said student was on the floor above me, and his words sounded as if they were coming from right next to me.

Speaking of voices, the voice acting in this game is also absurdly bad. Some of it is extremely poorly-acted, some of it has clearly been pulled from other sources and inserted into the game, and some of it has clearly been generated by a speech-to-text program. And pretty much all of it is stilted, sounding extremely unnatural thanks to this game’s creator having a terrible grasp of the English language.

When it comes to the gameplay, you’re basically just doing what the game tells you at any given moment, whether that’s clicking on menu selections, wandering around and trying to find all of the people you need to talk to, or finding a room you need to go to that the game doesn’t indicate the direction or location of in any way. There doesn’t feel like any meaningful interaction here, and while there are choices that you make when encountering some students, it’s hard to feel like those choices make much of a difference when it’s hard to care about anything in this game.

Schoolteacher Simulator is one of the worst games on Nintendo Switch. It’s hellish to control, pointless to play, ugly to look at, cringe-worthy to listen to, and an absolute insult to your intelligence. It was clearly pieced together by someone with far more ambition than skill, and every use of chewing gum and duck tape used to piece this monstrosity together is glaring. It’s not even a “so bad it’s good” sorta’ thing, because to see all of the absurd design choices you have to force yourself to move through it, and that in itself is a torturous experience. Do not waste your time or money on this game.

tl;dr – Schoolteacher Simulator is an absolute disaster of a First-Person Simulation game that tries to slap together assets from countless different places that don’t belong together in a framework that doesn’t make sense. This is torturous to play, an eyesore to look at, with possibly the worst sound design I’ve ever seen in a game, all to support a game structure that’s dull and gives players no reason to care about anything or anyone in this dumpster fire. This game isn’t even fun to laugh at, it’s just a horrible depressing mess and you should absolutely stay far away from this malady of a game.

Grade: F

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