There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension

Genre: Graphic Adventure / Misc.

Players: 1

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Review:

There Is No Game, released on PC and mobile devices in 2020 and ported to Nintendo Switch in 2021. And… well, I’m sorry to inform you about this, but there’s no game review here. I’m terribly embarrassed about this, I was planning to write a review, but then one thing led to another and, well… here we are, review-less. I know, I’m really dropping the ball here.

Instead, perhaps we can take a moment and appreciate the quality of the font this is written in? You never really think about fonts, do you? Unless they’re awful, that is. Everyone hates Wingdongs and Comic Sans. But plain ol’ Times New Roman and Helvetica, boring as they may seem, are the cornerstone of efficient presentation of the English language, and people never stop to think about the art and design that goes into them! If you’re curious, there’s a good documentary about it fittingly called Helvetica.

… Look, I can see your eyes glossing over. Well, not “see” per say, but I’m smart enough to realize what’s going on. You came here expecting a review, and now that there’s not one, you’re probably bored and frustrated. Honestly, I can’t blame you if you decided you wanted to click off of this page right now, maybe look at something else instead. Perhaps veg out and watch some YouTube or TikTok?

Oh, or, since you’re clearly interested in Nintendo Switch games, maybe you’ll go and play one of those, huh? I know you saw above that I wrote that this is a Graphic Adventure, so probably you want one of those, right? Oh, and “Misc.”! That’s unique! Mysterious! Who knows what Misc. could be? Probably some post-modernist elements or something, where it’s like a game that’s a commentary on videogames or something like that! One with a lot of funny in-jokes and references to other games and elements of software design and videogame design… soooo… maybe you can find one of those! Not this game, of course, because you’re unfortunately unable to read my review on the game.

Hm… you’re still here. You seriously expect a review, still? After I repeatedly told you there wouldn’t be a review here? What do I need to do, get a deep and heavily-accented voice for you to take me seriously? I can tell you, it doesn’t stop the player in this game from messing around with things. As much as this game’s narrator insists that the player stop messing around with elements of its interface, the player inevitably keeps pressing on, using the on-screen cursor to interact with objects, much to the narrator’s frustration, with the player even hilariously dismantling elements of the game’s interface to use to progress.

Well, there aren’t any elements of this interface you can mess with.

Hey, what was that!? Did you just click on that word like it was a link?

Hey! STOP that!

Look, you want a review so bad? Fine, here it is.

There is No Game: Wrong Dimension is a Graphic Adventure with some post-modernist Misc. elements in it, it’s about a game that insists it’s not a game, but it’s actually a game. The end.

There? Is that good enough for you?

No?

I already told you,

there’s no review here!

so go home!

Forget the review, okay?

umm…

now look,

no more of this…

you’re doing something… what are you… wait a second… I… t… s… f… u… Oh, come on! I mean, yes, it’s a funny game, but what you’re doing here is not funny! I told you there was no review here, and you keep reading!

Why are you still reading? Are you expecting things to suddenly change, like I’m going to start saying that this game includes a lot of fun little parodies of Lucasfilm games and Zelda and Pong and some other stuff? And that it has a delightful pixel art visual style? And that the way the character argues with you as you continue to confound his attempts to… to….

Hey, no fair, now you’ve just got me describing the game using hypothetical questions!

You know what? No. I’m ending this now. I’m done, and there’s no new page to go to.

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