Dentist Bling

Genre: Simulation / Misc.

Players: 1

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Review:

Dentist Bling, released on mobile devices in 2020 and ported to Nintendo Switch in 2024, is a Simulation-ish game where players take the role of a dentist working on various patients with all sorts of gross maladies, as well as some absurd aesthetic demands (you want me to spray-paint four of your teeth gold-colored? Okay, I guess).

The presentation here is odd, using simple cartoony characters and backgrounds in menus, but switching to low-poly 3D when working on the teeth themselves. What’s more, other than the sounds of your work, there’s no sound in the game – no music or even noises from your patients.

When it comes to gameplay… there barely seems to be any here. The game selects your tool for you, and you just move it to where it’s needed and press a button, then the game automatically grabs the next tool you need. There’s a timer attached to some sort of bonus that doesn’t seem to matter, and there’s a pain gauge for the patient that never seems to get close to filling up, giving the illusion that being fast and keeping your patient comfortable matter, but neither actually seems to. You’re also rewarded every now and then with new stuff for your in-game “office”, but you don’t select any of this and it has zero effect on the gameplay.

In the end, I see little point to Dentist Bling, apart from the brief mild amusement that may come from this game’s disgusting topic matter (and at times body horror). But there’s just not any game here in this game, even if Dentist Bling tries to pretend there is. And the gross teeth will only keep you entertained for a brief time before you get bored and want to play something with actual gameplay.

tl;dr – Dentist Bling is a game where players take the role of a dentist, but even calling it a “game” seems overly generous, as players don’t really make any actual choices, their skill makes no difference, and they don’t have to make any choices. The result is something that may briefly amuse players, but it won’t take long to bore them.

Grade: D

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